Sunday, February 21, 2010

she bang.

the most unfortunate thing in the world.

i am giddy, there needn't be a reason. we are up to week five of the eating disorders day program, i am writing less and liking it. i really don't have to remember every minute sad detail about why i have/had anorexia and then spend so much time as to how i am going to be pro-active in which are perceived to be the 'right' choices in my recovery. eff that, last night i went out and had some indian, some shandys and some shimmy-time for my birthday. actually, it was a birthweekend. and it was absolute bliss.

lots of things are happening here and there.
the wonderful, most beautiful lovely thirteen has given me part time with at a recording studio doing rehearsal work and learning all about sound engineering, apart from that i've learnt how to eat chocolate because i like it and sniff lilies because they make a funny feeling right in the centre of my brain. some reactor is going off and i don't want it to ever end.

i've also been taking care of a friends kids after school a couple of days a week. i make milkshakes and we hang out and watch spongebob till mama deluxe gets home. sometimes their staffy falls into my lap and lays farts. it's more cute than gross.

have been skating head first into full contact scrimmaging and waking up sore and tenderized with the biggest smile on my face. i wasn't born to be skin and bone, it's quite obvious if you see my body frame.

strangers saying hello and realizing you actually have to make effort if you want to get better. i am really good at procrastinating.

js has me worried some days, but i think it is a limbo act. he is on a tightrope between socially breaking free from the claws of the public education system and is flying head first into university life. of course he's in limbo. i wouldn't expect anything less.

i have eaten so much that my stomach is screaming at me.
to sit with said feelings is an action i would rather sleep through.

water for elepants. lindt chocolate & duke.

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