Tuesday, May 25, 2010

All because of Gold..

You follow instinct.
You take a shower after training because your whole body is screaming and your face is glowing. You go to bed and think 'this is pretty normal'.
You wake up 9 hours later famished, you reach for home made granola and a cup of greek yogurt with craisins.. setting you back 600kcal at least. You feel full and bad, not good, not content, you feel bad. You don't want to go for a walk because you have training tonight and want to give 29340213 percent. So you make some sugar skulls. Your sister wants you to tag along for a drive out to see brother at his work and buy some kitty food... she goes into the petrol station and comes out with a magnum gold;
;but i have lunch waiting at home.
;i've always eaten more than you today honey.
;i don't feel like this.
;don't look at wrapping oh wait you already know it off by heart hai 25g of fat in 370cal form.

But you smile, you eat, you enjoy, but you feel bad.
You feel badder than bad.
"Okay so this can be my lunch.. maybe a pear later.. dinner then training.. maybe a walk"

With schooling, life and drama on my mind.. these thoughts are background music.
But for now, i am stuck in this "No everybody thinks you look good now, you don't want/need to gain more".
My S told me, "Those voices, are bad. Fuck those voices".

So i'm having a bad day...

Sure, it's good to be positive and happy, but there are going to be "those days." Everyone is going to have a bad day or two, every once in a while. Nobody likes to have bad days, but still, you're going to have them. I think allowing yourself to feel what you feel, and have a bad day every now and then is good, but there are ways to definitely make a bad day worse. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, but don't wallow in it. If you're feeling depressed, let yourself cry. Let yourself frown- but don't dwell on it. If you feel your mood turning more positive- go with it! If you feel yourself becoming angry- go with it! Go with what you are feeling. Make sure not to take it out on other people. I have to watch out on this one. At school, if I'm having a bad day, I tend to isolate, which is a passive way of taking it out on my friends. Instead, I could just be assertive and say that my day isn't going well. I do think it is good to express to others that your day isn't going well, because then they are more aware of how to treat you, without potentially upsetting you. Plus, they may be a good person to talk too, if you are both willing. Just allow yourself to feel what you feel. I know, I tend to bottle up, which doesn't work- eventually I explode on other people, which really damages relationships. Bottling up the bad days isn't the way to go. Talk to someone. It may be hard to be open, trust me, I know how hard it is to be open; but it really helps. Bad days are okay, remember that. If today is going to be a bad day, then you know what- that's okay! Go with the flow, and feel what you feel- even its not the best emotion in the world.

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