So after 3 years of having this lying grey matter. It has come to breaking point.
I have made an appointment with my old O' to see if i can get some more CBT. I need something. I am on my last legs. I have just eaten nearly a tub of ice cream.
This is coming from the girl that won't have toast because she is having a sandwich for lunch. I am that fucked up right now.
*cue bomb boom crash noises*
Thanks to my little butterfly i am also sleeping with my head where my foots should be.
Because the christmas tree is up and i don't want to miss out on another Christmas because the whole time i'm worried or preoccupied with food. I don't CARE about the food, it's just a constant front of lobe always there fucking fuck.
I want babies.
I want to be so in love, that's all i think about.
I want to give and give and give.
I want to stay up all night talking,
but instead i go to bed uncomfortably binged full, exhausted, knowing i will be up at 6am running.. punishing myself for eating too much because i was greedy and wasn't even hungry just couldn't help it.
Why won't it leave me alone.
Why is it back now?