Friday, December 10, 2010

life isn't meant to be hard.

Walking in from eighteen puppies worth of work makes for one sack of pooped.
Having said that, it was a nice day... sometimes i'm happy to have arms the length they are, i can squeeze around my friends when they need me double.

Thursday night kicked off with a woopachang, my very first Christmas Party!!
I hope i stay a helluva long time in that place.. i never wanted to work retail again, but i don't even feel like i'm ever working. Sure sometimes i'm exhausted, my boss has made me cry twice, but the good charms outweigh the bad one hundred times over..

Tom: here lauren
Lauren: aw Tom!
Tom: *drops dead fish in my hand*
Lauren: *throws fish in the air and starts doing that 'oh my god tom just dropped a dead fish in my hand' dance* I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
Tom: lol.

Penny, she stuck by my side.. they talked with me, they reassured me, they even held my hand when i didn't think i needed it. And that support came from them seeing me..Lauren.

Moments like this, happen throughout my day.. everyday.
M, oh my goodness M. This little bundle of giggles and sweetheart wrapped up into a bundle of adorable. She never ceases to bring a smile to my chops and a little spruce up in my step.

And then we have the puppies, i have my dream job. And for once, i feel like i am doing something i am good at.
For a moment there i lost it, very robotical.
Lately that's how it feels. Like it's all a script.
Hi, How are you?
Even if the answer is of the negative approach, it's set up. Not real.
And i am excellent at unintentionally lying. Not lying, so much as just not being real.

And i liked myself, when i was real.
In the moment, feeling like what's happening at that time is the only thing worth worrying and or enjoying.

Life is for living.
I have taken the first step into the rest of my life, and because of these rambles and scrambles i am starting to mend, fix and recover broken bridges and ever so fragile wings.

Who said life was meant to be easy?
I was worried this would be a haze, that it would cover me. But if i am not quite sure who me is yet, then maybe this is my back burner. Whatever helps to push on.

Roller Derby break up tomorrow, i'm looking forward to changing.
Things ought to be different.
And i feel quite positive that things will fall into place, letting go...

laugh everyday
take a moment to smell the roses

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