Tuesday, January 26, 2010

What kind of bees make milk?

My little sister rules.
Today was quite amazing.
I'm re-learning.
First day jitters.
Job Hunting.
Upset Bellybites.
Genuine Care.
For the love of novelty pens!

So, first day of ED Day Program is complete. You think of all the outcomes, possibilities and what the day will (WILL!) entail before even entering the room. But by the time you're in the room, you're on your own there pal! I was expecting a classroom set up, whiteboard, nervous eyes and play lunch comparisons.
Well the comparisons were there.

We get a weekly task to complete;
she brought this technique from the Butterfly Foundation which she worked with for many years. She's absolutely lovely, great to talk to and really knows what she's on about.
I'm glad she doesn't beat around the bush, i've done that for two years. So, it's a slap in the face.
My goals are pretty bizarre, and kind of exciting. But i will tell the ones that are involved(oh yeah, this is audience participation.) what they need to do, when the time comes (that's lookin' at you J!)

I have things to practice this week. Practice, no HAVE/MUST achieves, no pressure and NO blame.
Knuckling down to one hard ball; there is a definate line between my eating disorder and the struggle for me to become an adult. Not the house, the car, the insurence and the white picket fence(though i can totally imagine me with the white picket fence.) But the drawing myself back into my childlike state, the no boobs, the taken care of, the no responsibility, the lack of *hurm* womanhood.

What makes me so afraid to grow up?
What kind of things can i do, baby steps.. to help me move on with my life?
I think i am finally in the right state of mind, and place to begin to actually work on these questions.
And not worry, if it IS easier to box it all up and shove it to the side "get on with things, that's what you're MEANT to do" Yes, well i tried that, and i am still sitting at square two on my recovery chart. So baby steps ahoy!

This is a wonderful learning curve, and one that i can always work and play with.

Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
Life is meant to be fiddled with.

Oh and Tessa got in contact with some friends and has been getting my foot in the door with some work, Tessa Bessa Bo Bessa Banana Bana Bo Bessa Fee Fi Fo Fessa Tessa <3

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