Thursday, November 25, 2010

Big'n Blood'n; prepare for the lashings.

First to the points;

#Bhoy spent his first night outside last night, after giving him some left over BBQ chicken breast meat... his adorable farts were so putrid at one stage i regurgitated the Vienetta myself, mother and sister had earlier demolished amongst the 3(did it shrink since being in a Pizza Hut Meal Deal all those years ago?)

He didn't seem to mind, when i went down to check on him at about 6.30 he was fast asleep, dreaming of rabbits(or whatever he's always chasing in his dreams.. ) on Spikes bed and the big black bear was coiled up on the blanket i put out for Bhoy! It looked as though Spike had given Bhoy his bed for the night... be still my beating heart!!

So the night was really nice, i don't know what has changed.. apart from not being so highly strung my emotional catastrophe has gone down by at least 4. Something i forget to remember is that i am infact a woman, i was born with ovaries and breasticals(to my own surprise.. all that time i spent strapping down and double sports bra'ing feels like such a waste!) and like every other female in this world i go through hormonal patches. I also have pimple break outs(no matter how much dad tells me 'you're STILL getting them, you're too old for them!'.. thanks dad).. And i still sleep with a lavender heat pack every night curled into a ball as it rests burny burny on my abdoman, this is a problem and i will see L about it sooner rather than later. I have always had lady troubles.

I was put on the pill when i was 16 to help stop my cramps, which were so bad at one point i remember writhing in pain on the couch downstairs not even caring that we had family friends over, i was in agony.. i recall telling mum i wanted to 'cut it right out of me' .. the cramps subsided and i barely got my period. I would never do sports classes in fear of 'spills' and highland dancing nights were spent toilet breaking 5 or 6 times just in case. I was embaressed to use tampons too.. never used one in my life actually. Sorry that's a bit too much.

At 17 after being in what was my first love and first relationship we did what normal 17 year olds do. I went and got Implanon inserted into my right bicep.. right under McManus. This caused an onset of many problems. Not recieving my rose petals for a good 2 years. Droplets, cramps, but nothing worth saving for the Sweeney Todd.

When i got it removed the doctor asked how my mood had been, after adding 10KG+ to my already puppy fatted body i basically deflated.
Just as i started to get back into some kind of regime(i think i had 3 sets of monthly woahs before.. well before all this)

Last time i had my period, i was sitting in the bathroom at a Sydney Hostel while the man i was umming and ahhing about leaving states for played tin whistle down the hall... she was gone, i had been taking Laxatives, walking, dancing, running, not eating.. and she was gone. I was ecstatic, because i could be with him. All that went up the shitter(not literally, obviously... waster not, am i) And it has been at least 2 and a half years since i have had any slight bit of any movement down there.

I didn't get, my god, i didn't have to worry about something.
Highly strung, obsessive compulsive, undesired, undesireable, switcher, common nutpot didn't have to worry about having a specific time of the month.

But everytime this 'mind-cycle' finshes... i feel relieved.. Like i've just had an invisible patch of lady-time. Of incredible mood swings which included talk of Suicide, no motivation, and binge eating episodes(in which i over exercise, i would never.. ever turn down the other road.. shan't).

I have researched ways of getting her back.
Because having her back means recovery, it means i get the chance the CHANCE to be a mother. A real mother. I wouldn't want anything else.
When i think of what i've put my mother through? My family? How the hell do they even stand me sitting in a room with them?

I know eating more omega 3's, more avocado, more natural fats are meant('meant') to help bring it back, but there is no sure way of knowing.
Doc O'K says "your period will come back when your body reaches a more natural weight, not a happy weight, a natural weight).
Doc Lee says "crock of shit, it'll come back when it does.."

I'm not praying for it, but i sure do feel ready.
And then maybe i will have an excuse for being a bitch sometimes.

Good avenue;
I play my first ever game as a Bloody Mary tomorrow (i had a wee giggle at that myself.) Vs. the Dead Ringer Rosies at the Melbourne Showgrounds..

A few things coming up.

*Bloody Marys @ the VRDL Grand Final
*Work & Work & Work
*Reading Harry Potter (AND ACTUALLY GIVING MYSELF TME TO SIT DOWN AND READ IT!! OH AND EAT WITHOUT FORCING MYSELF TO EXERCISE!... okay that part i'm still getting use to)
*Volunteering at Christmas including the Refugee Christmas Camp and the Salvation Army Kitchen
*Bhoy 3rd Vacc & Castration
*More Christmas Shopping(bought my boss a bit of hers last night.. the best!)
*Mill Market Trawling
*Starting a summer netball team
*Isis' Board game night
*Christmas Break up at work!
*Grinchettes VS. Santas Little Hellpers Bout on the 5th of December!

Tra la la

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