Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I holla.

Happy 1st day of Advent Calender sweethearts!!

That little window of hope popped open this morning with absolute glory.
I've had a temper, a tantrum and basically been on the brink of losing all my shit lately. Whether it be added stress from decision making. Cluttered mind from missing A. Or just a hormonal piece of shit really.

I'm not eating healthy, sometimes not at all (out goes my 90-20%) and trying to be 'normal' means not eating when i'm not hungry... right?

Even after exercising?
Always waiting to be told what to do. Inside i am merely 7 years old looking for somebody to hold my hand. SO i don't have to go it alone.
Having said that, get close to me and i'll bite.
Very Hard.

I recieved my Stat results - i ripped it up
I recieved a letter saying i was unsuccessful with a Job Interview somewhere that i desperately wanted to work - i ripped it up
I recieved another letter saying i was unsuccessful in the Primary Teaching course i enrolled for (sure, it's only first round... but really... what the feck is the world telling me?)

And i just recieved a telephone call from the Gordon saying i have an interview for Animal Studied Cert II next year. This and work would be absolutely amazing for now.

I can work and study, and even better save some Mooney for the next few years of my studying, working, traveling life.
I emailed the only Highland Dancing teacher in Geelong that (NOT Union dancer!! SCOTTISH OFFICIAL BOARD!!) is close and.. i really want to get back to my roots.

Bloody Marys Vs. Dead Ringer Rosies
I won't lie, i had a sneak peak at some photos on Facebook... I barely remember the day. I remember eating hot chips and 'deserving a coke' and then getting KFC on the drive home...........I just don't feel it anymore. The passion and charisma for Roller Derby like i use to. If the aim in life is to be happy, and do things to make you happy, and work to get by, so that you are happy... theni think this two month break from Roller Derby is what i need... to do some flitting about this big wide world without the hustle and bustle of attendance, of obligation i have for a sport i loved oh so.

I'll keep up my fitness obsession;
walking every day

i can't not, i use to be fat. And i hated myself.
i am not fat, i am not as skinny as i use to be (though still technically quite underweight and battling an eating disorder) but at the end of the day i just want to be happy.

if healthy and happy go hand in hand... then i'll do whatever i can.
i had the most amazing dream last night.
A collaboration of 58, standing in the backyard while a man that looked like that weird plastic faced man from the kids HEALTH freak show stood at the door of a helicopter throwing out free basketballs filled with sweeties.

alright i'm going to meet aron for burgers
and i'm shitting myself.
about everything

Bhoy loses his bits tomorrow. :(
really worried about him, i don't want him to be in pain with his tail..not now not ever, do i deminish this by getting it fixed now? Or do i let it proceed until it becomes too painful for him and puts him through more trauma as an adult dog?


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